Because man is a time-conscious being, he is most likely worried about getting certain things done at a specific period of his life. One of such things is the "When" to enter into a relationship.
There's a relationship leading to marriage and there's a relationship whose goal is never aimed at marriage.
Many young people have dabbled into a relationship at the wrong time with the aim of marriage, only to discover that they have wasted and destroyed their time, life and resources in such relationships because marriage was never intended.
There's time for everything under the heavens, says the Holy Writ. There's time to love, and there's time to refrain from embracing.
When you venture into a cause or thing at the wrong time, you're sure to have your fingers burnt or perhaps destroy yourself in the long run.
Do you know that no father would buy a car for his toddler son until the time appointed? And in a sane clime, no one dare to drive a car without learning how to drive, and must have obtained a valid driver's license.
There's a time to you should be in a relationship, I mean a serious relationship leading to marriage. And there's a time you're not to test the waters of relationship when marriage is far from your immediate or short term goals so you don't drown in a wrong and toxic relationship.
How do I know the time to enter into a relationship?
1. You should not enter into a relationship because you are lonely
Loneliness is a temporal feeling or a negative emotion. When you enter into a relationship because of loneliness, you are likely to fall into the wrong relationship.
Aside from that, you will make your partner the object to fill the void of your loneliness.
Get a life! Relationships, even marriage does not cure loneliness.
2. You should not enter into a relationship when you feel intimidated, desperate or pressure to do so
Anything you do based on pressure, desperation or intimidation will not augur well. You need patience and the right frame of mind to marry the right person, and to enjoy marriage.
3. You should not enter into any relationship when you haven't discovered yourself, or you're ignorant of God's purpose for your life
If you do, you will abuse your life or allow the relationship to destroy your divine purpose.
Those who do not know God's purpose for their lives before they seek relationships, end up destroying their lives and the purpose of a relationship.
4. You should not enter into a relationship when you are not ready for marriage
This sounds weird, but it's true.
Any relationship that's not leading to marriage will mar your life because when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is surely inevitable.
Marriage should not be your priority when it is still good that you should be alone.
Why would you be in a relationship when marriage is not in your priority in less than one or two year's time? If you do, your chances of falling into premarital sex or sexual immorality is on the high side.
Do not awaken love until it is time to be in a love relationship leading to marriage.
5. You should not be in a relationship when you just experience a heart break
No sane coach would allow a player who just had a sprain to play the ball until he heals. Can you imagine what would happen to an injured player on the field? He would be trampled upon and his team would be defeated.
Relationships could sometimes be a dangerous "affair" when you are not emotionally and spiritually healthy. Don't ever take such risk.
When should I be in a committed relationship leading to marriage?
"When" talks about time, and it also has something to do with age, but in most cases, maturity isn't dependent on age. You can be of age like Methuselah, but a fool like Nabal - Abigail's husband.
1. Enter into a relationship when you have worked on yourself to be the right person
A right person has the right understanding of marriage or relationship, the right understanding of the opposite sex, the right mindset and the right heart.
2. Enter into a relationship when you have developed yourself mentally, spiritually, emotionally and financially.
Read good books on love and relationship, most importantly, read your Bible. It contains all the sources of true wisdom, knowledge, truths and understanding about love and relationships.
The Bible is the only book where you have the presence of the Author to guide you into all truth and to recall what you have read, and to obey it.
Build spiritual capacity. Work on your spiritual growth by paying careful attention to your prayer life, word life, obedience and understanding of scriptural truths so no one would bamboozle you with lies.
Be emotionally stable. Learn how to control your emotions in all situations - the good, the bad and ugly moments; this is very important before you go into a relationship leading to marriage.
When it comes to money, seek financial wisdom. Know how to make, manage and multiply money in a godly way. More so, be financially independent. Don't wish to marry a rich partner, be the rich partner!
3. Enter into a relationship leading to marriage when God says that it is not good that you should be alone
How will I know?
God saw that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone, not because he was lonely, but because he needed a help meet whilst he was doing something for God.
Are you doing something positive for God or His kingdom?
But the truth is this: you can go into a relationship leading to marriage in your own terms without doing something for God. However, this kind of relationship will serve no purpose on earth and in eternity, and you will raise your children with that kind of mentality - to live for pleasure.
Relationships are not all there's to life. Seek growth, understanding, maturity and the right knowledge about relationships before you venture into one.
What makes you right for a relationship leading to marriage is not a function of your age, but your level of understanding and maturity.
It's not advisable you go into a relationship in your teens or post-teen years, you need time to grow - emotionally, mentally, financially, socially and spiritually.
See, it takes time to work on yourself.
Even if it appears that you are "ready," take time to work on yourself to grow. You can't work on yourself completely, but you should be far better than mediocre in your understanding concerning yourself and in the other things of life.
There's no stipulated or benchmark age limit that you should be in a relationship leading to marriage. However, understand that God's timing also matters if you want Him to run the affairs of your life.
Finally, I reiterate in your own interest, you have no business going into a relationship when marriage is not the goal in six months or less than two year's time. You may not agree, but it prevents you from falling into sexual immorality, dabble into the wrong relationship that leads nowhere, and that would destroy your life.
Don't rush. Be patient.
© Adeniyi Tim Oluwamayowa 2020
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