If I would have to write another title for this article, I'd rather title it "The Problem of Identity Crisis Most Ladies Suffer".
The problem of women today is not because men are bad or evil, the problem of women is their failure to identify who they are. The evil that most men do to women in a relationship is because women gave them the opportunity to do so.
How can he break your heart when you know who you are and where your heart ought to be? How can he use and dump you if you understand what your purpose is in life? Stop complaining that men are wicked, there are wicked ones but when you're wise and smart enough, you won't fall into the trap of the wicked ones. Wisdom they say is a defense, get wisdom in all your gettings.
When you as a lady doesn't know who you are, you need no psychologist to tell you that you suffer from identity crisis. And these are common traits that happens when you don't know who you are as a lady.
1. The use of bleaching cream to feel accepted
Isn't it ignorance to change the color of your skin because your boyfriend, who's not going to be your husband tells you that he loves fair ladies? Even if he might be, I don't support boyfriend and girlfriend thing, must you displease God to please man? And because of this, you went ahead to bleach your skin and at the end, he marries a natural fair skinned lady. Who's a loser?
What makes a woman is not the color of her skin, it is what she carries on the inside. You can be beautiful and be without brain. In fact the Holy Bible tells us that beauty is deceitful but a woman (lady) that fears God shall be praised.
Are you with a man that doesn't appreciate your skin color? It implies that he doesn't need you. Real men don't change a woman to suit their selfish interest or influence them for mundane things, they patiently groom ladies for what's more important.
If in this age you're still running around to please a man because he wants you to look somehow, you're living in fools paradise. Wake up and discover who you're meant to be. If you're dark, celebrate God for your uniqueness and don't destroy God's temple because of a man that's adding no value to your life.
2. Conformity to the world for acceptance
The world we live in has a special mould for the female folks and that mould is what many of them is trying to fit into.
Because you want to look sexy and hot like hell, you wear cleavage revealing clothes that shows your breast even when you bow. Because you want to look smart, you now wear extremely tight fitted dresses that makes it easy for men to see the details of your body.
Because you want to feel among and be accepted in the world, your make up becomes immoderate and you make yourself appear like a mascara.
Why would you allow the world define your womanhood? The world has no good for you. God didn't create a woman to be equal to a man. Stop this feminist propaganda. You have more excellent roles to perform than a man.
It's negligence of who you are that makes you equate yourself to a man before marriage or in it. Need I say that you're a 'neck', a supporting mechanism to the right man. You're a home builder, destiny moulders and an indispensable vessel in the life of a man you're married to.
Don't make the world redefine your role in the life of a man, I mean the right man you're married to. You can't fulfill your obligation if you marry the wrong man. Only a right man appreciates the role of a woman in his life as a help meet, not slave or a servant.
Submission is not a thing of the past. Ensure you marry your own husband that would love you as Christ loved the church. Don't be carried away by your physical appearance, be bothered about the quality of your inner man. Work daily on it for improvement. When beauty diminish, it is who you are on the inside that would define your personality.
3. Building your life around a man
Who tells you that you need a man to define your existence? Who tells you that you're not a woman unless you have a man to open you up into womanhood?
Can I tell you the truth? It is a man that needs a woman in his life as a help meet. In the Beginning, God brought the woman into the life of the man to help him in fulfilling God's purpose on earth.
Don't jump from Peter to Paul looking for who would accept you or make you feel like a woman. Build your life. Don't be static. You don't need a man to validate your worth and existence. Develop yourself financially, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and don't think it's a man's business to do all of these for you.
When you know who you are, men will rush themselves to your doorstep just to be your husband. Don't put yourself in the situation where you'll be begging a man to love you and he'll be defining terms and conditions for you. Talk sense to your head and strive to be the woman God wants you to be.
When you make yourself the right woman you're destined to be, the right man will come looking for you.
4. Giving a man sex to prove love and acceptance
Most women believe they're created to be used for sex, this is why many end up their lives making babies and become a full time house wife. You don't need sex to prove your love to a man. Any man that tells you to give him sex before he accepts you for a relationship or marriage is a thief and never give him the opportunity to steal from you.
Let a girl child know that she doesn't need sex to prove love to a man and that her role in a man's life is not just for sex but as a help meet so that when she grows, she'll be able to live with a sense of purpose and won't be caught up in the web of identity crisis.
If all you've got to prove that you love a man is sex, you're then good for nothing. Prove to a man that you're hard working, let him know that you don't need his stipend, you can work with your hands and brains and not with your body in bed.
Must you even prove love to man that's not your husband? The proof of love is not in bed or through sex, that's lovemaking. Love is proved through commitment, sacrifice, trust, responsibility and the test of time.
Don't show him how good you are in bed when you're not married, that's fornication. Compensating a married man with sex is adultery.
Get up and discover who you are. If you don't you'll keep having issues with men. And my dear, may I tell you this: all men are not the same. You've only met the same set of men you use to meet. Run to the feet of Jesus and He'll show you who you're supposed to be.
© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2017
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