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Debunking The Fallacy of 'Marry Someone You Love'


A friend sent a post to me that has the caption of marrying someone you love and she sought my opinion concerning it. I'd like everyone to benefit from the outcome of my observations about the title.

While I hold no argument against this literally, you won't marry someone you hate now, abi? But I'd not want you to use that as an excuse to lean on to your own understanding when it comes to choosing whom to marry without trusting in God.

Many marry whom they love based on beauty and their preference. Some say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder while some choose based on their preference. "I want a tall, dark, rich and handsome guy with a broad chest and a baritone voice". Is marital success all about making preferences?

The Bible has this to say about beauty, beauty is vain; but a woman that fears he Lord shall be praised (Proverbs 31:30). If you choose whom to marry based on how beautiful or handsome they are, what would happen when their beauty no longer exist?

Some would even erroneously indoctrinate you that you should tell God what you want when it comes to making marital choices. It sounds sensible, isn't it? But it's detrimental to do so. The Israelites told God that they wanted a king and do not want to be ruled by God through a prophet (1 Sam. 8, please create time to study it).

Do you know what God did to them? He gave them a king in His anger (Hos. 13:10-11). If you ask God to answer you according to the idols (preference) of your heart, He'll do it for you and you'd face the outcome of whatever comes your way.

See, you can never make the right choice if you do not allow God to guide you in choosing a life partner. The best thing you can do for yourself is to choose what is good or what you want but not what is right or you need.

In most cases, what you want is not what you need. You may desire a tall man but God might deem it fit for you to have a man who is vertically challenged but he's spiritually and mentally endowed. Isn't it better to submit to God's will than to go with your self-will? God cannot give you someone you won't be able to love EXCEPT you're bent on doing your self-will.

As a brother, you might desire a sister who's fair, sexy and endowed both back and front. But God sees a dark woman who's moderately okay and she's got a good character and a voice recognized in heaven when she prays. Isn't that better?

It is not the 'container' that a person have that keeps the marriage, it's the 'content' in the parties involved. When the container becomes deformed due to age, stress or the circumstances of life, it's the content in them that would keep them together.

Can I burst your bubbles? You can marry someone you love today and tomorrow, you'll fall out of love. Haven't you heard people say "I don't love him or her again"? Love alone isn't enough to make marriage work. What brought you together determines the duration and success of your relationship.

Why many holds this fallacy of marrying whom you love is that they believe God cannot make the right choice for them. They equally believe God's choice for them is not the perfect thing they want. They also do not want to pay the price to allow God to guide them maritally. And above all, lack of knowledge about the effect of marriage on their destiny and eternity is why people follow false doctrines when it comes to marital choices.

If God leads you to whom to marry and you don't love the person, first, you should ask Him to give you the capacity to love the person or you reject His will for your life. And if you don't want to follow His will, it's because of your hardened soul. However, God won't force you to marry His will.

Let your marriage be established by God, built on Christ, furnished with knowledge and understanding and roofed by trust and prayer.

Be careful of those false doctrines that makes you lean on your own understanding without paying the price to allow God guide you. Marry someone whom God leads you to and fall in love with whom He leads you to.

However, the ability to stay in love forever in marriage is not in your power but in God's ability who would shed His love upon your heart through the Holy Spirit. Only this love can keep your marriage going and glowing!

© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2017
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